Saturday, August 25, 2018

Losing Someone but Not Losing The Feelings

The scariest feeling we'll ever have is losing a loved one. Yeah, people come and go in our lives. We definitely know that every hello makes the next goodbye. Either because we grew apart or when we passed away. That's life.

I started to understand what had just happened to my family. I know that I'm not the only one person to feel this way. Can you imagine, we lost four family member not more than a year.

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Me, my husband, my brother and his friend were with her in the hospital during her final day. Accompanied by her husband, she's awake but she doesn't talk to much with us. Her body and face looking so tired all the time. But we never thought, the day after that, she passed away.

One thing I remember most about her, she's one of my family member who helped my husband in preparation for the process of marriage proposal. She made special by her own hand all the cookies and the cake that would be handed over to me and my family. Every single of them. Even though I'm not there, but the full of happiness is available to me.

Almost a year she's gone. I'm losing her but the memories still touched my heart and baked into the piece she's made :")


We usually calling her simply as Si Mbok. The eldest member of our family. She may have noticed being unable to remember me for some time. But she will finding someone to replace me like "Ini Tia istrinya Ipunk, Mbok", eheee. Every time we went to visit her, she gave us spreads of cookies and hot tea were made by her last daughter.

And she's gone three weeks after her daughter death. Even the times of her family member especially her child and her grandchild be a little less bright without her, I know that she would want us to live get along well and still finds the opportunities for spend times together at her home :")


Still remember the last time I met her. At the moment when Si Mbok gone. She was lying down on the chair in a weak state but still trying to talk with everyone there. I don't know what to do that would make her feel better. In the midst of her mom-in-laws funeral, she must already have been feeling much more ill.

Three months later, she's gone. But her positive spirit will never go away. 


Two days ago, the most cheerful person of our family member has gone. We lost a good storyteller.

I remember the first time she greets me on social media, even though we have never met before. I still remember she talked about the condition of my husband's home changed well after my presence, eheee. Also one month ago, I still met her in a good condition at Si Mbok's home. She sit next to me, ask about my pregnancy, and asked me to visit her home in Cilacap.

Then we heard about her when she was treated in the ICU. It means, she requires intensive treatment. But we still don't know what happened to her. For several times admitted in the different hospital before finally she went away. 

I can't imagine how her daughter feels, with no sibling to share her hurt over losing her mom. The only thing I know is she has a family and friends as her support system and will love her unconditionally.

They will never truly be gone. They still here with us in spirit.

Until we meet again ~